Monday, January 3, 2011

Rambles of a Bitch...

Oh my. there are quite a few things I want to hit on this week. For the last two days, i have wanted to share my freak out over the welfare system, and then liars. But tonight, I want/need to vent. So, BJT, the only reader i have lol, ENJOY!! :)

The neighbor girl is 18. And a supposedly recovering addict/theif. Well, today she decides to tell me that she has never ever ever EVER stolen money from us. So who am I supposed to believe? The fact that we didnt have heat until november, or her? The fact that we had no electricity for multiple weeks during multiple times the last 8 months, or her? The fact that we can not even pay rent this month? (Side note, that may be my fault partially for hoarding my money, but either lacy is stealing or my mom is doing heroin or something, Either is a likely choice tho...)

But, honestly, who the fuck gave her permission to come into MY home, into MY room, and talk to me? Fuck her. She steals. And then says I am a worse person than her? HA! I dont do drugs, I sure as hell dont steal from my neighbors, and I definitely did NOT steal over $500 in merch from MY OWN FAMILY.  So tell me exactly WHERE she gets off attacking me??

And then, I have so much stress over this damn vacay. I wish I could just get my money back from the airline and forget about it. I found an amazing apartment for rent on craigslist, a 2 bedroom for 550 a month, which I can so afford, but who am I going to have pick up liz and watch her when I work at milios? I mean, honestly, I would LOVE to get a real, full-time job. Which I am about to start applying for. Dont get me wrong, I love dominos, but I cant work two jobs when I live alone with Liz. I need to have one job, and maybe have a job for the weekends (Fri, sat,sun). So, West Business Services, I am applying to you, either tonight or tomorrow and latest by wednesday when I get to Perkins to do my homework.

OH which also pisses me off, seeings as I go to school online and have no internet access at home right now. Cuz (once again) mom hasnt paid the bill. Honestly. For crying out loud. I can balance and budget money, its not that hard. Watch:

$600 for rent
$100 for utilities (water, elec, MGNE)
$50 for a cell.

And like that, I have $750 accounted for. When, at the moment, I get roughly $350 from Dominos and the same from Milios, bi weekly. Which is 1200. And I would have like 750 in bills. And if I was to get a job at west, I would be pulling in an easy 1500, every 2 weeks.

Ok, Brains just won. As soon as I get to a secure connection, I am totally applying at West. Cuz honestly, I no longer know if CT is going to work. If I cant be with sheldon, I dont want to be there KNOWING i cant be with him. And I totally forgot that you cant date on probation (or parole) WITHOUT your PO knowing who that person is. And sheldons councilor is right, there is no way we are going to get approved. And this is eating at me too, and I havent told anyone. Ben, you are the first to know my thoughts on this. Consider yourself quite privy, darhlin' :)

And honestly, I am quite sick of my sister telling me I am a bad mom. Um, hello? Like she should talk? I doubt she could raise a child any better, with her being all manic depressive and gullible and easily influenced (case in point, how her n lacy have been BFF the last 3 weeks?? Uh, Gross.)

And to the haters, even tho you cant/dont/wont/wouldnt read this? I AM better than you. I have goals. I have dreams. I have desires. I will succeed, with or without your support. And one day when I refuse to acknowledge you, this is why. The way you hurt me, the way you shunned me, the way you made me long for acceptance. Im already on my way to greatness, have fun eating my dust!

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