Wednesday, March 30, 2011

I really need to cover a few things today.
1.       School
2.       The Big B
3.       Work
4.       My weight
5.       My upcoming trip to CT
6.       Steve
7.       Waiting on Sheldon…
1.       School. So instead of doing my school work last night, I decided that watching a movie with steve was more important, even tho we all know its now. Consequently, I must go home from work and do that home work. I have to write a 750+ word essay on a current news article online, and cite from 3 sources. Well, I SUCK at citing and what not so I am not looking forward to it! But I do need to get at least a C in this class I think Fawn said, so home to do homework with a migraine I go after work XP

2. The Big B. I catch myself looking every time I go near, or he comes near to me. I find it aggravating and stimulating at the same time. Talk about annoying. I could eat him up for lunch. Surprisingly, like Steve, the weight is not a problem. I suppose everyone comes with a vice, but the churchy thing doesn’t bother me as well. God. ß Haha, maybe it would bother me.  He has the most endearing smile, the little mole thing on his ear is (gag me) cute. Like other big guys, I don’t feel the buzz haircut does it for me, but hey, big deal. Hair grows. I find myself thinking about… IT… and No, not the movie! Yesterday, I took part in a huddle I had already done just so I could spend time near him. Lame, but still, its me we are talking about here. I swear that he sat where he did so I could get a full frontal view. That man, I tell you. I would like to know/see what IT looked like. Holy hellz. And maybe experience it myself? His, “roll” for lack of a better term, is both a turn on and a turn off, someone figure that one out for me! I cant help but search for him throughout the day, seeing him is like, security almost. Like a security blanket or toy for a child. Don’t ask me explain it, it is jumbled up in my own head as well.  But… I wanted to get that out there…

3.       Work is fun, for once. I like the place, the pay, and 98% of the people. However, for reasons unknown to me, Kelly, Jeff, Sergei and I were all transferred to new seats over the weekend. I don’t know if its cuz we talk to much, which would have been me and Kelly, or what. But there you have it. I call my new area LOUDVILLE, since 4 of the 6 people I sit near all seem to freaking yell into the phones, which could be why I have a headache, lolz.

4.       In January, when I went to CT, I weighed 191 pounds. As of 3/21/11, I was 214. Like, EW. So I am now starting a diet. I am working diligently to pass off any foods I have in my desk to unsuspecting strangers (Thank you Kel for eating my jelly beans!!! Lol)  Ugh I feel soooooo fat!!

5.       I really should be more excited about CT. I don’t know why I am not. I know that the excitement is starting to grow, which is a good thing, but still..

6.       Steve. Ok. So I mean, I love Steve, but I am not in love with him. He can make me happy, sure, and definitely can please with foreplay, but… That was my life 4 years ago. I have grown, I have changed. I am afraid for his health, his choices in life. He wont get a good paying job like he wants if he continues to smoke pot. I am sorry, but yeah. He wants to lose weight, but having the munchies from the weed aint helping either. Facts are facts here.

7.       The waiting isn’t bothering me at all. Its Steve, Mitch, Travis, Mystery, Miley, Burger… They are all pulling on me. Steve with his emo-ness. Mitch with that damn spark that never goes away! Travis, well, I was just thinking about him a lot lately. Mystery, holy crap, you wouldn’t believe the  drama my head puts me thru wit this man, I tell ya I tell ya!! Miley, he is cute and endearing, if it wasn’t for that freaking monster in his pants… And then burger. Oh the want will never go away, and it’s a mental want, not a physical want!!

Friday, March 25, 2011

Thursday, March 24, 2011

oh i have a headache today.

Yesterday was lizzi's last day of swimming practice. Guess who showed? Not mom, shey, or dad... Not Burger or Nicole or Harmony either. Not Al, Mary, Kris or cassaundra... In fact, ONLY I showed. Me n Konnor. Pathetic, huh??

Check out that hair!!


Have I ever mentioned that I hate drunk and/or stoned people?? Ben is at the top of my shit list right now. Yes, Ben, YOU!! You are really aggrivating me right now, as is your "whatever" that you are currently fucking (besides elli's mind of course)...

Anyhows... So I have spent like 80 million dollas in the last 2 days. I really need to stop shopping. Like, totally.

Remember how I mentioned that ben was pissing me off? Well, its continuing. Ben, you are really really really really really really really pissing me off!!!!  As is your fucktoy. Yeah, thats what Imma call her, your fucktoy. Your fucktoy is hella aggrivating... What a ho... And did you ever think we didnt want her here??  Wait, now you are saying you want to leave, good. Im sorry. I generally love you, but you are hardcore pissing me off... and you are dancing like a queer...

Anyways... I brought 2-titty ova, and she brought Jayden. And I love these two. Seriously, well besides Adriana not having no brain cells but thats besides the point. Liz and Jay are awesome.

So these two are great. Other than the people that I like right now. Which would be Brit, Shawna, Adam, Steve, Cody, n Adriana. Oh, wait, that means the ppl I am mad at are ben and his fucktoy. Oopps... Oh well.

And now they got Ben Thony all pissy. Which is funny really, one day I will have to post about losing my virginity to him...


And.... We got to shoot guns today...

Thursday, March 17, 2011

at work on 3/15

As part of my blog, I need help. Haha. So. I need to update this shit. I have like 4 or 5 little things I want to converse upon. But sadly, my mind, my body and my blog are just not getting along haha. So. The Big B. Man o man. I do not know what the hell is wrong with me… ALTHO…
Today I made a step in a positive direction. As far as positive, I don’t know if it is positive-getting out of this crush OR positive-getting closer to him. It is more of the latter I think. Why? Because…
Ok so I had like ten bucks in my desk last Wednesday. When I came in on Sunday, it was gone. Also, a large amount o f my food was gone as well. I decided that it was just my stupidity for leaving money, no big deal. However, Tanya knew about my having money in there. So when I got to leave 3 hours early last night, I sent Amanda an email asking her to watch my desk. She caught Tanya going through my drawers, and pocketing something. She even confronted her!
When Amanda left work, she called me. I was pissed and decided I needed to tell Katie. Well when I got to work today, Katie was in a meeting. So I **reluctantly** went to Milan and told him. He said he would look into it. He then asked me about my REALLY cool bracelet. And…. I got new info on him  :D
So. He asked why I had it, and I said that my boyfriend was in prison so he asked where and I said CT and he said “oh, if it was here in WI, I might have known him”. I reply with Oh really, how. To that he said that his church goes around to local facilities and talks with inmates. That he “preaches to them"
See? New info. Now some of this info should be more in the negative effect. Such as: 1 he is married 2. He is committed to his belief in god and church 3. He FUCKING PREACHES. Like, um, WAKE UP SHANNON!!! Lol.
Anyways… After I went back to my desk, I sent him an email:
Hey, Maybe you could help me with something else then. I am going to be starting a support group/get together thing once a month for inmate families in the Dane county area. Maybe, once it is set up, you could help me get the word out??
To which I got the reply of:
Like, how totally awesome. So not only do I score extra brownie points/time/fulfilling my needful obsession, I help out others as well!! HAHA!!
Oh, I make me giggle. :D

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

random work thoughts....

WRITTEN 3/7/2011

IDK why I would think my MARRIED boss is cute. I wish someone would smack me upside the head concerning such. Only 12 sightings today. Hopefully more tomorrow. <--- See how pathetic I am??? Gods. I should learn more peanut butter recipes, lol. He took my peanut butter cookie. He toughed the other ones. Shoot me. Married, Shannon, he is MARRIED! And his religion prolly doesn't allow or approve divorce. So unless a freak accident was to occur, which doesn't matter since I have a baby outta wedlock! Shit. Fuck, Imma tear this up....

WRITTEN 3/9/2011

I just must be stupid or something. Why do I let other people effect my mood? I was having a great day until this stupid head set shit kicked in then I sorta freaked a lil but its not that bad now I have the thing working God other people really anger me good lord I feel like I suck that Im no good at anything which is so story of my life i dont know why i feel this way but... Miley Mitch and Steve all want me and I have Sheldon. Why doesnt that suffice? Why must I also be attracted to this married mad, dude he is MARRIED get a grip, MARRIED. All of a sudden this means nothing to me? Like, WTF?? For that matter, via face book he looks happily married. Some one really does need to smack me upside the head. I lave Rocky. Steve needs to stop saying he loves me cuz that is probably not good. I dont want to be with him and the whole me not touching his ---- will make sense to him soon. Hopefully. I cant even do what I have been doing for the last 5.5 years for crying out loud. BTW, good job just now, glance up/look away/ ignore. Damn how I wish I could be emailing this to myself right now so I could blog it easier since that is ideally what I am doing, cept writing it. Hopefully by monday I will be able to work this out I feel so stupid god damn I hate who I am physically mentally. I feel as though I am in this 20ft deep pit surrounded by snakes eating me alive. I dont know why I am so insecure but I am. The worst part is that last week I felt like I belonged but now I feel like in on the tiny island that the supply boats pass teasingly and never even get looked at altho I suppose that is the story of my life. No one has ever liked me, hell I dont even like me!

Monday, March 14, 2011

Thursday, March 3, 2011

A dirty little christian boy once upon a time...

Dirty lil christian boy trying to knock up his wife? Gimme a lil por favor!

So G called teh Big B a "Dirty Little Christian Boy" and said that he is trying to knock up his wife, which apparently isnt working. Is there a sign I can wave over my head, screaming HEY OVER HERE ******** i WANT YOU AND I HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO REPRODUCE!! I mean, would that just be too direct? I need to ponder...

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

letters that are better off never read...

A letter that will never be read by the person it is intended for. For my safety and my love for you, you should never read this.
My darling Sheldon,
You are amazing. Truly you are. I am nothing but a piece of shit. Sure, you may have raped a teenage girl, your own cousin, and be doing time for it, but I am worse than you. How, you ask? Simple.
Less than 2 weeks after deciding I loved you, and sending a letter saying such to you, I cheated. I have been sleeping around since June 25th. Pathetic that I even know that date. Further proof of the shitty person I am.  Between June 25th, and August 15th,  just 7 short weeks, I managed to sleep with 4 people. FOUR. In SEVEN weeks. I feel like a ho for saying that when I know there are worse people out there. Anyways. I slept with Mitch. Miley. One who shall remain nameless. And Travis. And after sleeping with Travis, we kept it up for a few weeks. Probably close to 2 months. We only spent maybe 4 nights together but still.  And, As always, the feelings I have for Mitch are ever-present. I hate it. I read a great book called “He’s Just not that into You”.  Mitch fills so many of those categories that the book discusses, and yet, I let him into my life over and over.  For instance, we keep casually hooking up. IDK what it is about him, he still makes my blood boil more than anyone else ever has for me. For that, I want to apologize. Profusely. I am soooo sorry.   There is more to this thing with Mitch. We are still sorta seeing each other. Well, not really seeing so much as sleeping. And we have plans this weekend to “see” each other. And  although we use protection, since I got a bunch of condoms while “seeing” Travis, Part of me wants the protection to fail. I want a baby so bad. I mean, I have liz and I definitely want children with you, but right now I have baby-fever so bad. Im to the point of telling you to not wear anything under your pants the next time I visit, and I can wear a dress minus undies, and even if we get into crazy trouble I would say to pork me anyway (wow that sounds so unromantic, lol). I have issues, lots of them. Really, how many issues does one person need tho?
Take for instance, this insanely stupid crush I have on the Big B. Even with the circumstances and him being married, no matter what I tell myself, the thoughts stay. Like when I am by myself and sexual thoughts pop in and then I yell at myself, out loud. Yeah, that is how bad it is. I find myself trying to find the most low-cut items in my closet that could still seem work-appropriate, and wear them. And I can’t even get a look-over from him. I mean, that is awesome, I hope one day the man I marry is able to do that as well, but it’s a ego-killer for me right now which is probably why I am having issues. Even now, I am hoping that for whatever reason he will walk past, that I can catch a glimpse of him, which is lame in itself. I don’t know why I think he is good looking. It has got to be the confidence. I wish I had just one ounce of that confidence.
You say there are no more lies in our relationship, yet there are, and mine keep growing. I don’t know how to resolve them. I do know that in 2167 days when you come home, I want to be the one you keep house with. I know that you will be that one. I want to be with you. I am just having trouble coping right now, which is soooo weird for me. I have always been a cope-r. Oh, my pen-pal, the ONLY one who writes me back is in prison? Ok, I’ll deal. Oh, now he tells me he is guilty? He raped a teen, or younger? Oh, it was his own cousin? I DEALT! Now, all of a sudden, now,  ARE YOU SERIOUS YOU ARE GONNA WALK PAST RIGHT NOW WHEN I JUST GOT DONE TYPING ABOUT IT WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT IS THAT?????? Where was I (damn ADD) oh yeah, NOW after 800 days (as of today), I can’t deal? What the fuck is that bull shit?
800 hundred days. I have known you for 800 days. Wow. And to think, only 2,167 days to go. For a grand total or 2,967 days. When you come home, I will have known you for two thousand nine hundred and sixty-seven days. Damn. I love you so much and yet it feels so daunting. I need a drink. Maybe a couple dozen. Or a lobotomy. Just saying.
Maybe things will be easier when I move to CT. I know things are not going to be easier in my own apartment though, cuz it will give me space to have Mitch come over. Or someone else. And frankly, the only other person I want to add to my sexual résumé is you.  Well, maybe the B haha but that is doubtful.
In closing, I just want to say that I love you, I will stand there for you, and be there for you mentally. Just don’t expect me to sit sexually dormant for the next 2,167 days. It ain’t happening. And I’m sorry. I don’t even like sex and I just can’t go without. How fucked up is that? Ok, really I am done now. Sheldon Mitchell Thomson (btw, can we please change your middle name????), I love you more than anything in the world. Forgive me my issues, I can’t help them.
Love, your amazing (yet lying girl), Shannon

wednesday rantings...

930 AM. I have been at work for 1 hour. And I have made THREE saves!! And only one was with an incentive. GO ME!!! :D
Ugh. Tanya is here today. And she is taking her first call right now. But I am way better then she is so I don’t even care! :PPP She even says she is the kind that doesn’t keep her mouth shut. Maybe that’s why she (probably) doesn’t have a boyfried/girlfriend, or why she sucks major ass. Haha she hasn’t been on the phones for more than 10 mins and she already is getting someone sidejacking with her. They probably want to determine if she is any good. Well, the answer is NO. hehehe…
JUST had a thought. I probably could have dispostioned most of my 10 transfer/account checks yesterday as saved calls. SHIT. Oh well, I know that now!  HAHA.
Gods. Its now 10. I just spent at least 10 mins on the phone with a guy, trying to convince him to cancel his card. Lame. Anyways… I am now cold. This sucks. Good thing I brought a blanket to work with me lol, it has snowmen on!!
Yesterday, I started to feel like I actually BELONGED. But today I wonder. Damn. This sucks. I wish I would get another call!!
Got another call. That was cool, I got to help her with membership rewards, it was kinda cool to listen to that…

Tanya is annoying me tho. She isn’t even attempting to save her callers, even with the guy sidejacking. Its 11 now. I am bored. Lol.
230. 17 calls. 3 saves, 3 out-of-biz, 8 full-out cancels, and 3 transfers… I suck. HAHA. But I am doing better then Tanya who just FINALLY got her first save…
5 hours to go. But I have been here for 6. And I still have a half hour lunch to take as well… Maybe I should eat soon… hmmmmmmm

So It is now almost 6. I need to check my hours, I might stay until 830 instead of 730 to make up for the other night…
I was invited out!! For a co-workers birthday, so I am pretty excited. It is Kelly’s 27th – oops I mean 25th birthday, and she actually invited me out. I think I might go. A real function, with real co-workers? C’mon, how else will I ever belong??? :P
I am bored at work. And next week I cant even do this. I cant message myself my blog since Amex reps will be here. Also, no low cuts for the big b to check me out in. damn. Also, I do not get to read, do puzzles, color, nothing. It sucks. On the bright side, when they leave for the night, I get to pull my stuff out. That will be nice. I am trying to decide what to wear already. I think interview appropriate clothes. The white sweater with a REAL tank top. The black shirt that matches Tanya’s (wear this tues) and then … … … … … hell I don’t know, all my nice clothes are supposed to show off my tits. I cant help it, I have nice tits!
Oh. So tonight, Katie left just before 5 and Milan just left now. Maybe they take turns leaving? Katie left early Monday night too, and Milan was still here (obviously) when he sent us home. But. Yeah. I think its cool they take turns.  Come on, I want a call!!!
Ok. So its 8 and I just got the coolest call ever. Lady went shopping in NYC from CT and lost her wallet in a taxi. I gave her the info she needed for the cab company to try to track down her wallet, and sent replacements for her cards immediately :) I am just so damn helpful!!
Wow. Here I felt that I barely got any calls at all, and ppl are bitching about us new hires getting all the calls. Whatev. In 12 hours I received 22 calls. 25 tops. Damn. Wah wah wah that’s what I hear. I would like to know why I barely got any when Tanya got a good chunk. But she doesn’t even care about this job, which makes me sick, honestly sick.
24 minutes to go. I wonder how many hours I will have then. Not enough to leave early on Sunday, but still….
Imma gonna go.. maybe I will get another call, maybe not, we will see!!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

do i add him?

So both James and Anita have added the big b. Granted, only James has been approved, but it wont be long.

The question here is whether I bother to add him, or let these two last for awhile.

Seriously, I am sorry that I am crushing hardcore on a MARRIED man. I have never done it (unless you count teachers from when I was a high schooler, but really, mr mcconnell is fucking sexy as all hell!!)....

Look, the point is is that While I think that the Big B is hot, and inappropriate thoughts keep entering my mind, I need to give up. Which I find funny cuz there isnt a fight between his wife and I. He is married to her, end of story. Im going to bed, My head hurts...

See? Happy... I need to stop...
dude, where do i get a man like this??

while at work....

Today’s blog…
As of right now, I have been on the clock since 940 AM. Granted, this is being written at 7PM. Anyways.
So far, I have had 30 calls today. In just over 9 hours. And, out of those 30 calls, I have had ONE save. Yep. ONE. And it sucks…  O well, tomorrow is a new day!
In other news, I have started keeping track of the Big B. Sad, I know. But I don’t want to discuss it in an email to myself.
Wow. I am emailing myself. I. Am. Lame. GODS.
And now Im getting into a fight with my coworker over one program being better than another. Damn. LOL. The program I like is way better. LOL.
I have my area set up now. Sheldon’s pic  is in a black frame with the words “Be Mine” enscrawled above it. Then I have the “Best Buds” picture, the 2010 Easter pic, the 2010 Mother’s Day pic and then Harmony’s 1 yr pic up, along with Bri’s 2 yr old pic. I plan on adding Sarijane and Lili, and maybe something encompassing Ciara, Claire n Carina if I can take a decent pic Thursday. Also, I think it would be nice to get a pic of Harmony by herself up there. But definitely more of Liz. Or of Liz and me.
There are exactly 38 days until I go to CT. As of right now, that means roughly 910.5 hours… Damn, it looks like forever when I put it into hours… Hurry time, hurry!! I miss my man. I can only pray that they take away the damn red tape before I get there. There is nothing that I enjoyed more than his hands on my arms, his finger tips upon my skin. I really need to write a book about this situation. I doubt it would be a good seller but hey at least I would get our love story out  there. Published, of course, under Anita Burgeons. HAHAHHA she will prove helpful afterall!! And maybe she will dedicate it to James. Ah. I love pulling my alter-egos into my real life, and making it work .
Katie is now leaving work. An hour after Milan. Damn these people put in hours! Im actually surprised as to why Katie stayed so late. From my understanding, she is married. Granted, she lives (and I quote) “like 5 minutes that way” (imagine pointing, lol). But still. Milan lives a half hour drive away, in Sun Prairie. Makes me curious as to which way he takes to get here everyday lol.
OH So my co-worker Nestor? He has this picture of a teenage black girl on his desk. For the last 3 weeks, my only thoughts when I see this pic is that she looks like a girl im friends with on facebook, Caejla. One cannot forget a spelling like that, when I am into spelling lol. So today, Ifinally got up the guts to go up and intro myself. I intro’ed myself, and said “the girl on the horse in your pic, is her name Caejla?” and he responded “my daughter” followed closely by a yes, and then I started to spell her name. And so of course he wanted to know how I knew her. So I told him. Lol.  It was weird tho at first lol.
Gods. 49 mins to go. Then best buy (maybe) really fast then Mojo’s to hang with Tiff for a while I think. Lol. I also need to do homework, or check school at some point, just see how my stuff went thru. Also, I need to pay JAR, and call Gary about my deposit I keep forgetting to do which is bad cuz I want my apartment damnit!!
I have colored. I have suduko-ed. I have ate. I have saved ONE call, all day. My numbers suck. I suck. Can I go home yet??