Saturday, January 29, 2011

Random Questions that dwell upon my mind...

As I sit here and play farmville on the other tab, i contemplate many things. For example:

1. Why must drunk ppl get all lovey-dovey emo-bullshitty??

2. What has John Schlender actually liking me again?

3. Why does Mitch insist on blowing up my tracfone?

4. When does Ben getting home from that Caitlin's place?

AND my answers are as follows...

1. Because they are stupid. I hate people who cant hold their liqour, and in this case I would be referring to fatass, oopppps i mean steve. God damn. I should not have come here last night. Between DJ's brandy and Cody's everclear, steve could not even walk. I mean it. He was sitting on the couch by the front door and stood up, turned left, walked into the wall, turned left again, and walked into the corner area, and then fell onto the couch, effectively squishing his little mumble doll. AND HELLO PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ChaNGE YOUR CLOTHES WHEN YOU SHOWER YOU STILL REEK FAT ASS!!!!!!! ok, sorry, random there, but true. Anyways, even now, 12 hours after he went to sleep, he is still drunk and unable to even stand up. AND then he has the gall to ask me if I am mad at him? Uh, like, DUH!! Fucking aye. I have no idea why i became friends with him in the first place, he just pisses me off all the time.....

2. I have no answer for this. I am assuming that he sees me trying to better myself as a person, sees how much I truly love his son, sees the things and changes I am making in my life and has decided that I might be a good person to know? I mean, I got a real job, I am going to school, I am taking care of my kid, I am getting my own place this spring. So. That is my thinking on this.

3. I think Mitch wants to have sex. Which I have no idea if I am ok with. I mean, Im not, cuz I love my man. BUT still. Anyways. I want to be friends with him, but why must men think that by being friends we need to have sex? Like, jesus!

4. Ben I want you to come home!! I miss you!! Jesus. It would have been nice to have somewhere to escape to last night versus being stuck with Mr. Cry-cuz-you-dont-love-me-cuz-im-fat! URG. And really, lose so weight. Trust me, it would do you a LOT better!

Friday, January 28, 2011

I am a bad person...

So Sheyenne's cat that she has had for almost 3 years died today. Stupid thing has had some bladder issues and shit and I started calling him piss face due to this but anyways he was at the vets and was just fine last night but then this morning he was dead.

And I am ... Releaved... Which sounds bad but if you think about the pros of the situation, you would agree... No more cat piss on my clothes. Less cat fur on my clothes. No more vet bills eating the rent money. And it will be easier for mom to get an apt with one cat and one dog versus 3 animals...


I mean sure Ill miss the little buggar, but...

Thursday, January 27, 2011

marriage to a sex offender?

So whilest I was at perkins last night, I found the paperwork I needed to figure out if Sheldon and I can get married. As obvious as it is, I dont know if we can due to his charge, but as those who know me, I WILL find a way to make it work. For crying out loud, I was denied from visitation and made it on the damn list. And as far and expensive as it was to go and SEE him, I made it happen. THUS I feel as though I could do this as well.

Is it really my fault if I am in love with someone who is going ot be on the sex offenders registry. OH did you know that ben? lol shit.OH WELL. Anyways, dont judge him for that, and dont tell steve. but I think that last part was a given....

So I really hope that the idea is correct. Look at the form and tell me...

Do you think I could make it work?? I am relatively confidant that I could... Also, do you think he wants to? God ben when are we having another date night so I can just unload on you??? lol...

Anyways, I would love to get married, and I know sheldon is the one, with or without that damn spark. And I found the info I need to get married. Now if I could only make it work....


sex offenders....

Normally I love what the stir has to offer, but not this. This makes me want to cry.

On one hand, I totally agree, the nasty ones, like those who molest babies or whatever, should die.

But then again, I want to have babies... So NO I have to say they shouldnt. damn.

I wish I was in CT :'(

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

i shall call this severe ADD and it shall stick!

GOD. I am so freaking ADD right now... Im doing homework, talking with karen, messaging mitch, and looking up new vacay ideas while swimming in the joy of quitting dominos and getting a new job.... oh and add sex/love/feelings in the mix, since i thought of that today too.... OH another topic- pregnancy...

1. Homework. I have had all the answers for weeks 1 thru 7 already... Now im in week 8 and actually HAVE to do my own work, which is annoying.

2. Karen. I dont think she remembers being in love or having a job. Like, seriously. I want to come back out east and see my man. And at the same time I dont want to waste my vacation days all right away, since they are my sick leave days too.... just saying....

3. Mitch. I dont want him to move to texas. In fact, I would love for him to stick around so that I can have a fuck buddy. why even bother covering it up. I would like to have sex. BUT at the same time, i dont feel attracted to him? OK that is another paragraph all together...

4. New vacay ideas. Well, IDK what they are right now. If i work weekends, ill go tues-thurs with a flight home early fri to make it to work... If i work during the week, ill use a day for a friday... idk, ill make it work...

5. Dominos. I QUIT!!! yay me!! lol. Last day will be 2-5, so my last paycheck will be on 2/11.

6. New job. WEST!!! 12.50 an hour, 40 hrs a week, 48 hours of paid vacay, all holidays are paid, and are 1.5pay if i work them. HOW FUCKING AMAZING!!!

7. Sex/Love/Feelings. Um, I noticed yesterday that i didnt feel anything around Travis. Now, I havent been around Mitch or Burger, but I think that going and seeing sheldon face-to-face has been the thing to "lock" my feelings in. I love sheldon. I dont feel the need to be with another guy here. Altho i would like to have someone to fool around with once i have my own apartment and can do whatever whenever where-ever. but its not that big of a deal I suppose... w/e. I still have my toys ;)

8. Pregnancy. UM so like i had this fucked up dream that i got knocked up (by steve **shudder**) and sheldon left me cuz of it. and that SCARED me. And so I really dont want to have sex, just in case something DID happen. Like, not just steve but anyone. **still shuddering, now feeling nauseous**

ok, bye again lol

Sunday, January 23, 2011

possibly paranoid???

So like I was telling BTJ earlier, soemthing seems off with sheldon's mom.. below are my PM with her tonight as I did my homework. She is sooo into saving these random ass dogs on teh west coast when she lives on the east coast. She could volunteer at a shelter but no the lady sits at home with no physical contact with the outside world.

Granted, I could just be paranoid. But when she told me she doesnt want me marrying her son, well, thats just a little fucked up considering she is hte one who got us together in the first place. If it hadnt been for her wish on, I would have never ever met the man of my dreams, and I would probably got stuck with fat ass.... OH now Im gonna have nightmares... WHICH reminds me, I need to post the night mare I had the other night, which involved fat ass and my sheldon... it was CREEPY... ok, read the messages below and tell me im paranoid!

Shannon Park January 24 at 12:06am
I wants to know, AM I INVISIBLE??? is there a reason why you are ignoring me??? Because I feel as tho in the last week since I went to CT to meet my love, your son, you have not been very chatty or anything... I miss my mama bear :'(

Karen Thomson January 24 at 12:10am Report
Umm no I haven't been 'ignoring' you , I have just been keeping to myself, posting dogs and just doing my own thing. I have been quiet lately, nothing personal.

Shannon Park January 24 at 12:12am
well I miss you. a lot. and so i thought i would say something. because you havent commented on any of my posts, even the important moving-out-on-my-own ones, or liking any of them, or even my posts from last weekend when i was all "best two hours of my life" and whatnot. And its just been striking me as odd and weird. So i decided to say soemthing. I worry about you :/

Karen Thomson January 24 at 12:16am Report
Eh I am just in a quiet mood lately, I get that way I told you that. I go through these periods it's just me, and I hope it works out for you moving out you will no doubt be happier.

Shannon Park January 24 at 12:34am
Understandable. Its just been ages since we really talked. and that makes me sad :( I swear I might just come out there and spend a whole weekend with just you and make you happy and take you places nad do things and yeah! lolz. what do you think of that??

Karen Thomson January 24 at 12:50am Report
Haha yeah maybe, that would be cool, but like I said it's just me, I get in moods where I don't leave my house for weeks and just don't want to talk to anyone, even my family. I am actually going to bed in a few minutes I think, the dog posting has taken a toll on me the last few days. =[

Shannon Park January 24 at 1:01am
Yeah, understandable. I feel as though we really need to talk, like a serious convo, soon. For now, I just got done with my homework, and am headed to bed. I work 4 hours tomorrow, then have a very important big job interview at 4 my time. Wish me luck! I told rocky about it last weekend when I was out (god was it ONLY a week ago?????) adn I know he is rooting for me to get it... Good night mama bear, I loves you!!!

Karen Thomson January 24 at 1:05am Report
Oh OK well good luck I hope it goes well, and yeah get some sleep. Ha yeah it was only a week ago, I'm glad it went good and I know he was excited as were you. Anyway yeah I'm going to bed soon too, just tired and need my energy for my full on war with Verizon those fuckers. So have a good sleep and let us know how it goes tomorrow. =]

Shannon Park January 24 at 1:09am
Why are you fighting verizon? And, its just weird that one week ago today i was in CT. Like, it really does feel like months already since my trip. And it feels like ages until my next one, especially cuz if i get this job i have to change the dates of the next trip. I mean, the job is sooo worth the change but still... I am still waiting on a post-visit letter, although I have sent 4 in the last few days lol. I know he will love the extra mail :P

blogged from steve's...

Ok so today is Sunday morning, and I am at Steve’s. Originally I was here to do some homework but now there isn’t any internet.

I am doing the number one of my favoritest things in the whole world right now, Im watching GONE WITH THE WIND!!! I love love love love love love LOVE this movie more than you can imagine! Oh God scarlett is so fucking awesome.
Ok. So I am getting really sick of Steve. This fucking apartment is disgusting. There are half glasses of orange juice and milk lying around. Plates of taco bell food just chilling on the floor. The cat box is gross. The dishes are just nasty. Seriously, there is a butcher knife protruding from the sink, blade out. LIKE HELLO DANGEROUS!!!
And then Steve is saying I’M the one being mean. Whatever. He will not be coming to my apartment when I get it, cuz I want my place to be NICE and CLEAN. GRRR. Between this house and moms I know what my place is NOT going to look like lolz. Ben, you are a maybe as to coming over. I know the apartment isn’t all your fault cuz you have a JOB which Steve obviously doesn’t want, but still. I have to say, you guys should kick him out. The sad part is idk when or if you will get to read this with Ben/Tiff not having the internet working. But I hope you do get this and see what I think.


Ok. So tomorrow is my second interview for a good paying job. I want the job really bad. But I am 50/50 on if I will get it. If I do get it, I have to post pone my vacay until June. Not that big of a deal to do tho, Cuz if I do that, I will take a 5 day vacay, going Weds June 1st and coming home Sunday June 5th, getting at least 3 visits with Sheldon <3 ...

Anyways... My boss at Dominos is going to be hella mad when he finds out I am not working the super bowl. I am already scheduled at Milio's. Oh well. I am not worried about it. Hopefully I will get this job so I can tell domino's to kiss my fat white ass :P

I need to do homework... Adios!

Friday, January 21, 2011

tax time!!

Ok so I have no one to gloat to, so my blog with its *possible* two readers get to hear all about it...

I did my taxes today. And..... Im getting...


back. How awesome is that??? And, I didnt even claim Shey or Mom. So its ALLLLLLLLL mine, bwahahahahaha!!! And that is what is going to pay for me to move out on my own! Hellz to the fuck yeah. Lizzi is sooo worth 5 grand, lol.

So, I want to pay a few months ahead for my place. So if I get a $650 apt, I need:

$650 - security deposit
$650 - first month
$650 - second month
$650 - third month ... for a total of:

$2,600. Totally do able! I am fucking excited!!

I saw the best apartment earlier, and just wanted to sign the lease right then and there!!! Its a 2 bedroom apt, 800 sq ft, and it was just fucking huge. even the kitchen. I am quite excited. Unless i like this one bedroom more tomorrow (which i probley wont), i WILL be getting this place. the bedrooms were BIG. and the bathroom was amazing too! god. I am so in love with the place. damn.


Wednesday, January 19, 2011

randomness about SMT

Ok. So I am, for one, quite excited to be moving out of this house in a few months. But first, I must travel back to CT to see the man of my life.

I am sorry that some people just cant understand how I could love a man who is in prison, but I do. This man means so freaking much to me, you have no idea.

Yes, we spent each of the three visits relatively quiet. I could stare into his face for hours, days weeks, months even years and not tire of it. I have never had someone effect me quite like this, and of that I am glad. I know he is the one, high libido and all lol.

Which reminds me, sometimes I am quite scared of his libido. My god, that man! Boy o boy. But I am not complaining, not yet at least... which reminds me (yet again) that I have a new timeline of my life... I want to be in CT within the next 2 to 3 years. Before Liz starts 1st grade. She can do her Kindergarden here, sure, but 1st grade will be in CT.

OOOH that reminds me (a re-occuring thing i think) that sheldon said the nicest, most defining thing on sunday's AM visit- he said he was talking to Gaddi (idk if thats how you spell it) and that Gaddi made him realize that he will be lizzis step-dad. Which apparently made something in his head snap. And then he was all like "this school is good, this one isnt, that one is a aw-hell-naw"... And that really, really touched me. Shit. I doubt burger even REMEMBERS what school is. And yet, Sheldon, who is in PRISON, cares. God. That boy has me, and has me good!

And, as much as I say this, I really am done sharing things with people. God. Im just done. If you are lucky enough to know something, then you must be one of the few (and by few I mean me and only one other person) who even know of this pages' existance.

And on that note, I bid adieu.

my flights home...

Written on 1/16/2011

I cant lie. Im scared. Im on my flight home from CT. And while the trip was amazing and WILL be completed again, many times… I cant help but worry. I love Sheldon. DO NOT get me wrong. I love him more than anything, except Lizzi. The problem, then?
I didn’t feel that “spark”, that moment of energy, that I have felt before with others, when I kissed him. I didn’t think anything of it Friday night, seeings as I just basically attacked him for the kiss, but then this morning and then again in the afternoon I truly didn’t catch the spark. And that scares me. Beyond anything else in my whole life that scares me, even more than the turbulence!!
I know that he was made for me, we are meant to be. BUT… Why didn’t I feel the spark? Maybe I did, and it just didn’t register. I mean, should I really be worrying about it? Maybe it has something to do with all the hard ships we will have to go thru one day, with the damn list, parole and probation. I WILL stand next him thru it all, do NOT get me wrong. And I can only imagine how amazing our life will be one day. BUT. It doesn’t stop me from worrying about the damn spark.
I mean, I didn’t feel a damn thing. God, his arms felt soooo damn good around me. And his touch soothed me. And god, his hands! Man. I KNOW he is MINE. And maybe in april I will feel that spark. At least I hope to god I do. My gosh. He is soooo perfect. His muscular arms, his beautiful eyes, such a beautiful shade of chocolate brown, oh man even his little raised mole on his left arm, right below his elbow. Is that weird that I noticed that? Lol. Oh, how I cant wait to know everything about his body. And actually, his “strong libido” is starting to scare me less and less. Which, considering I hate sex, I find quite surprising. God. The next four years (god I pray its less!!) will NOT go fast enough.
And as far as M, M, C, and T, “my 4 guys in six weeks” group? Forget them. He wont know. Well, I mean, he knows I slept with them, I just didn’t put the dates like I did for the others, and he did not ask questions. His problem, not mine. But if he was to ask, I would tell him. And then let him know that I made my decision on who I wanted to be with, without even sleeping with him! Which I think is fucking awesome.

Ya know, I might become a praying woman. I love that man sooo much, and I would pray for him. I want to pray for him. I want to. Which is weird. The last guy I prayed for was Mitch back in summer 05. Damn. Apparently I just chose the wrong guys.
Sheldon, baby, I love you. And the spark is NOT necessary, especially when I know you are the one for me. No one has EVER ever made me as happy as you do. I love you sooo much. Thank you for loving me. <3 <3 <3

up in the air...

Written on 1/14/2011

920 AM… Somewhere in the air :)
I find it funny that I write this blog on an airplane. Currently, I am somewhere between Milwaukee, and Baltimore, Maryland. Ive never been to MD before,a dn this has proven to be interesting so far. The plane that I am on fits 180 passangers, and there are a whopping like, 40 on here lolz. I am sitting next to the right wing, about halfway back. At first, I was tripping out a little when we first were moving, then during the take off. But, I must remember that I am on my way to Rocky :)

So I found it quite ironic that I was reading a vampire book by Chistopher Pike while listening to a MCR song about the same subject. But then again that could just be me being stupid lolz. Now, since I am on the puter versus reading, I am listing to my lova Ke$a. What can I say, she is fucking amazing ;P Altho, after DINOSAUR, I’ll be switching to Aranda I think….
Altho I am chilled when I look outside the planes window, I feel relatively comfy here on the plane. No turbulence as of yet, which is always good. I took some pics here nad there of the planes as I waited, and snagged some neat ones on the runway of other planes behind us. I am sorta anxious to get the hotel so I can hit the WIFI and upload some. I am worried, however about that damn rental car bullshit. They better take my debit card because I will be one pissed off customer if I don’t get a car. I think its bullshit that no one told me about the stupid deposit until the week before vacay.
So I wonder if I am a bad person because I have intentionally hidden most of my plans from Karen but I really just cant help it. That woman has her hands in her son way too far. Why cant we just be who we are, without interference? I mean I can understand the state of CT’s interference, and I do worry that we cant be together after he gets out, but I mean really where does she get off telling me she doesn’t want us to be together? Like that is soooooo not cool. I mean, cmon, I went out on a limb, wrote to her son who was in PRISON, and yet I am the bad person here? Bull. If it wasn’t even for her, we wouldn’t have been anything, let alone in love JESUS. GRR now ive ruined my anxious/excited mood.
Dude, I am starving. Like, I had part of a banana at 5ish, and some pretzels here on the plane, but I need real food lolz. The views up here are beautiful but the same thing over and over. Sometimes you can tell wehre a larger body of water is, by the lack of clouds over it. Right now, I can imagine Steve dreading the school order. Its just about 940, first order is going in, that is if Steve hasn’t killed Jess yet! I don’t know who I feel worse for! I am glad I am not there to witness it, but then at the same time, I wish I was! O man. I hope there are facebook updates for it!!
Ok, and dude, I need to lay off the beverages. I had a twisty-top green Monster on my way to the airport, then I have had 2 things of OJ on the plane. And I feel like I need to pee. And I do NOT pee on planes. The whole theory kinda creeps me out. I mean shey did when we went to FL but its just not for me. There is a reason I held it the entire 18 hr drive to NYC too. But I am not really sure why. Its like psychological or something…
I hope to get some post cards when I get to Baltimore. Plus, I hope I have a few minutes to pee and maybe eat, and oh we are losing altitude….. OK im tripping out. Saving this and hoping off. If I die, I love you Lizzi!!!

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

So carrie and I won this giftcard to some hair place here in madison, its $30 and we are going to share it, altho Im not sure why since i played the music and all... oh well more in a lil bit :)

Ok, so I lied, the thing is only for $10 and it colst like 25 to do ANYTHING to your hair, so screw that!! My favorite place is having a crazy awesome sale- a haircut for $6.99... SO obviously, im going there...

But honestly, i cant remember why i started posting this blog. shit. i think its about carrie...

Cuz, like, i hate her? well, no, i do hate her, but still. I hate how we have been "friends" for like YEARS and I get treated like shit. Like, seriously? ugh... more later...

Monday, January 3, 2011

Rambles of a Bitch...

Oh my. there are quite a few things I want to hit on this week. For the last two days, i have wanted to share my freak out over the welfare system, and then liars. But tonight, I want/need to vent. So, BJT, the only reader i have lol, ENJOY!! :)

The neighbor girl is 18. And a supposedly recovering addict/theif. Well, today she decides to tell me that she has never ever ever EVER stolen money from us. So who am I supposed to believe? The fact that we didnt have heat until november, or her? The fact that we had no electricity for multiple weeks during multiple times the last 8 months, or her? The fact that we can not even pay rent this month? (Side note, that may be my fault partially for hoarding my money, but either lacy is stealing or my mom is doing heroin or something, Either is a likely choice tho...)

But, honestly, who the fuck gave her permission to come into MY home, into MY room, and talk to me? Fuck her. She steals. And then says I am a worse person than her? HA! I dont do drugs, I sure as hell dont steal from my neighbors, and I definitely did NOT steal over $500 in merch from MY OWN FAMILY.  So tell me exactly WHERE she gets off attacking me??

And then, I have so much stress over this damn vacay. I wish I could just get my money back from the airline and forget about it. I found an amazing apartment for rent on craigslist, a 2 bedroom for 550 a month, which I can so afford, but who am I going to have pick up liz and watch her when I work at milios? I mean, honestly, I would LOVE to get a real, full-time job. Which I am about to start applying for. Dont get me wrong, I love dominos, but I cant work two jobs when I live alone with Liz. I need to have one job, and maybe have a job for the weekends (Fri, sat,sun). So, West Business Services, I am applying to you, either tonight or tomorrow and latest by wednesday when I get to Perkins to do my homework.

OH which also pisses me off, seeings as I go to school online and have no internet access at home right now. Cuz (once again) mom hasnt paid the bill. Honestly. For crying out loud. I can balance and budget money, its not that hard. Watch:

$600 for rent
$100 for utilities (water, elec, MGNE)
$50 for a cell.

And like that, I have $750 accounted for. When, at the moment, I get roughly $350 from Dominos and the same from Milios, bi weekly. Which is 1200. And I would have like 750 in bills. And if I was to get a job at west, I would be pulling in an easy 1500, every 2 weeks.

Ok, Brains just won. As soon as I get to a secure connection, I am totally applying at West. Cuz honestly, I no longer know if CT is going to work. If I cant be with sheldon, I dont want to be there KNOWING i cant be with him. And I totally forgot that you cant date on probation (or parole) WITHOUT your PO knowing who that person is. And sheldons councilor is right, there is no way we are going to get approved. And this is eating at me too, and I havent told anyone. Ben, you are the first to know my thoughts on this. Consider yourself quite privy, darhlin' :)

And honestly, I am quite sick of my sister telling me I am a bad mom. Um, hello? Like she should talk? I doubt she could raise a child any better, with her being all manic depressive and gullible and easily influenced (case in point, how her n lacy have been BFF the last 3 weeks?? Uh, Gross.)

And to the haters, even tho you cant/dont/wont/wouldnt read this? I AM better than you. I have goals. I have dreams. I have desires. I will succeed, with or without your support. And one day when I refuse to acknowledge you, this is why. The way you hurt me, the way you shunned me, the way you made me long for acceptance. Im already on my way to greatness, have fun eating my dust!

Sunday, January 2, 2011

people annoy me...

So this post is all about how people annoy me. Like, REALLY annoy me.

Take, for instance, my dgf (daughters god father). I posted how he "loves" me right? Well, he lies. Maybe not about "loving" me, but about 90% of everything else.

HIM: I got a new job, managing KFC/TB
ME: Awesomness! Good job!
BJT: Uh, no he missed his first shift and was fired

HIM: I got a job at a pool company, cleaning it
ME: Good job!!
REALITY? he never ever ever went to fitchburg to clean a pool... How do i know? he doesnt have a RIDE!!!

HIM: oh we are going to transfer my truck to mullets name and get a title loan to pay bills!
ME: uh, i dont think thats a good idea, but its YOUR truck so w/e
HIM: oh, nevermind, we cant *insert lame excuse*
ME: good, you never know when you might need it!
REALITY: I found out today, they actually DID do it, and still owe $700 - $900 on it.

HIM: Oh, I am paying the bills, even without a job
REALITY: he is about to get kicked out for lack of paying rent. IDK how the other bills are going, but I know that BJT is scrambling around trying to cover DGF's ass. I explained to him that its pointless, and try to give him examples of what happened when DGF lived with us, like wasting money that his gma gave him on PS3 stuff, when his gma bought the PS3 and a plat screen tv, and i JUST found out that he pawned the PS3 and I am pretty sure he did it with the TV too since its been  "getting fixed" for roughly 5 months now, at least. Oh, and not to forget the nastiness of the room when he moved out of MY house! UGH. I had to RAKE the floor before I could even vaccuum! Like, uh, GROSS!!

Good god, he really makes me mad. And he is throwing the HUGEST shit fit over me going to CT to see the man that I have fallen in love with. One who doesnt lie to me about the stupidest shit ever. ugh...

**more to come later, but first I must eat!!! lol**