I really need to cover a few things today.

 

1.       School

2.       The Big B

3.       Work

4.       My weight

5.       My upcoming trip to CT

6.       Steve

7.       Waiting on Sheldon…

 

 

 

 

 

 

1.       School. So instead of doing my school work last night, I decided that watching a movie with steve was more important, even tho we all know its now. Consequently, I must go home from work and do that home work. I have to write a 750+ word essay on a current news article online, and cite from 3 sources. Well, I SUCK at citing and what not so I am not looking forward to it! But I do need to get at least a C in this class I think Fawn said, so home to do homework with a migraine I go after work XP

2. The Big B. I catch myself looking every time I go near, or he comes near to me. I find it aggravating and stimulating at the same time. Talk about annoying. I could eat him up for lunch. Surprisingly, like Steve, the weight is not a problem. I suppose everyone comes with a vice, but the churchy thing doesn’t bother me as well. God. ß Haha, maybe it would bother me.  He has the most endearing smile, the little mole thing on his ear is (gag me) cute. Like other big guys, I don’t feel the buzz haircut does it for me, but hey, big deal. Hair grows. I find myself thinking about… IT… and No, not the movie! Yesterday, I took part in a huddle I had already done just so I could spend time near him. Lame, but still, its me we are talking about here. I swear that he sat where he did so I could get a full frontal view. That man, I tell you. I would like to know/see what IT looked like. Holy hellz. And maybe experience it myself? His, “roll” for lack of a better term, is both a turn on and a turn off, someone figure that one out for me! I cant help but search for him throughout the day, seeing him is like, security almost. Like a security blanket or toy for a child. Don’t ask me explain it, it is jumbled up in my own head as well.  But… I wanted to get that out there…

3.       Work is fun, for once. I like the place, the pay, and 98% of the people. However, for reasons unknown to me, Kelly, Jeff, Sergei and I were all transferred to new seats over the weekend. I don’t know if its cuz we talk to much, which would have been me and Kelly, or what. But there you have it. I call my new area LOUDVILLE, since 4 of the 6 people I sit near all seem to freaking yell into the phones, which could be why I have a headache, lolz.

4.       In January, when I went to CT, I weighed 191 pounds. As of 3/21/11, I was 214. Like, EW. So I am now starting a diet. I am working diligently to pass off any foods I have in my desk to unsuspecting strangers (Thank you Kel for eating my jelly beans!!! Lol)  Ugh I feel soooooo fat!!

5.       I really should be more excited about CT. I don’t know why I am not. I know that the excitement is starting to grow, which is a good thing, but still..

6.       Steve. Ok. So I mean, I love Steve, but I am not in love with him. He can make me happy, sure, and definitely can please with foreplay, but… That was my life 4 years ago. I have grown, I have changed. I am afraid for his health, his choices in life. He wont get a good paying job like he wants if he continues to smoke pot. I am sorry, but yeah. He wants to lose weight, but having the munchies from the weed aint helping either. Facts are facts here.

7.       The waiting isn’t bothering me at all. Its Steve, Mitch, Travis, Mystery, Miley, Burger… They are all pulling on me. Steve with his emo-ness. Mitch with that damn spark that never goes away! Travis, well, I was just thinking about him a lot lately. Mystery, holy crap, you wouldn’t believe the  drama my head puts me thru wit this man, I tell ya I tell ya!! Miley, he is cute and endearing, if it wasn’t for that freaking monster in his pants… And then burger. Oh the want will never go away, and it’s a mental want, not a physical want!!

why do i still have feelings for my stupid baby daddy?

oh i have a headache today.

Yesterday was lizzi's last day of swimming practice. Guess who showed? Not mom, shey, or dad... Not Burger or Nicole or Harmony either. Not Al, Mary, Kris or cassaundra... In fact, ONLY I showed. Me n Konnor. Pathetic, huh??

Check out that hair!!

Anyways...

Have I ever mentioned that I hate drunk and/or stoned people?? Ben is at the top of my shit list right now. Yes, Ben, YOU!! You are really aggrivating me right now, as is your "whatever" that you are currently fucking (besides elli's mind of course)...

Anyhows... So I have spent like 80 million dollas in the last 2 days. I really need to stop shopping. Like, totally.

Remember how I mentioned that ben was pissing me off? Well, its continuing. Ben, you are really really really really really really really pissing me off!!!!  As is your fucktoy. Yeah, thats what Imma call her, your fucktoy. Your fucktoy is hella aggrivating... What a ho... And did you ever think we didnt want her here??  Wait, now you are saying you want to leave, good. Im sorry. I generally love you, but you are hardcore pissing me off... and you are dancing like a queer...

Anyways... I brought 2-titty ova, and she brought Jayden. And I love these two. Seriously, well besides Adriana not having no brain cells but thats besides the point. Liz and Jay are awesome.

So these two are great. Other than the people that I like right now. Which would be Brit, Shawna, Adam, Steve, Cody, n Adriana. Oh, wait, that means the ppl I am mad at are ben and his fucktoy. Oopps... Oh well.

And now they got Ben Thony all pissy. Which is funny really, one day I will have to post about losing my virginity to him...

AH FINALLY BEN AND HIS FUCKTOY LEFT!!!


And.... We got to shoot guns today...

at work on 3/15

As part of my blog, I need help. Haha. So. I need to update this shit. I have like 4 or 5 little things I want to converse upon. But sadly, my mind, my body and my blog are just not getting along haha. So. The Big B. Man o man. I do not know what the hell is wrong with me… ALTHO…

 

Today I made a step in a positive direction. As far as positive, I don’t know if it is positive-getting out of this crush OR positive-getting closer to him. It is more of the latter I think. Why? Because…

 

Ok so I had like ten bucks in my desk last Wednesday. When I came in on Sunday, it was gone. Also, a large amount o f my food was gone as well. I decided that it was just my stupidity for leaving money, no big deal. However, Tanya knew about my having money in there. So when I got to leave 3 hours early last night, I sent Amanda an email asking her to watch my desk. She caught Tanya going through my drawers, and pocketing something. She even confronted her!

 

When Amanda left work, she called me. I was pissed and decided I needed to tell Katie. Well when I got to work today, Katie was in a meeting. So I **reluctantly** went to Milan and told him. He said he would look into it. He then asked me about my REALLY cool bracelet. And…. I got new info on him  :D

 

So. He asked why I had it, and I said that my boyfriend was in prison so he asked where and I said CT and he said “oh, if it was here in WI, I might have known him”. I reply with Oh really, how. To that he said that his church goes around to local facilities and talks with inmates. That he “preaches to them"

 

See? New info. Now some of this info should be more in the negative effect. Such as: 1 he is married 2. He is committed to his belief in god and church 3. He FUCKING PREACHES. Like, um, WAKE UP SHANNON!!! Lol.

 

Anyways… After I went back to my desk, I sent him an email:

 

Hey, Maybe you could help me with something else then. I am going to be starting a support group/get together thing once a month for inmate families in the Dane county area. Maybe, once it is set up, you could help me get the word out??

 

To which I got the reply of:

 

Absolutely!

 

Like, how totally awesome. So not only do I score extra brownie points/time/fulfilling my needful obsession, I help out others as well!! HAHA!!

 

Oh, I make me giggle. :D

random work thoughts....

WRITTEN 3/7/2011

IDK why I would think my MARRIED boss is cute. I wish someone would smack me upside the head concerning such. Only 12 sightings today. Hopefully more tomorrow. <--- See how pathetic I am??? Gods. I should learn more peanut butter recipes, lol. He took my peanut butter cookie. He toughed the other ones. Shoot me. Married, Shannon, he is MARRIED! And his religion prolly doesn't allow or approve divorce. So unless a freak accident was to occur, which doesn't matter since I have a baby outta wedlock! Shit. Fuck, Imma tear this up....

WRITTEN 3/9/2011

I just must be stupid or something. Why do I let other people effect my mood? I was having a great day until this stupid head set shit kicked in then I sorta freaked a lil but its not that bad now I have the thing working God other people really anger me good lord I feel like I suck that Im no good at anything which is so story of my life i dont know why i feel this way but... Miley Mitch and Steve all want me and I have Sheldon. Why doesnt that suffice? Why must I also be attracted to this married mad, dude he is MARRIED get a grip, MARRIED. All of a sudden this means nothing to me? Like, WTF?? For that matter, via face book he looks happily married. Some one really does need to smack me upside the head. I lave Rocky. Steve needs to stop saying he loves me cuz that is probably not good. I dont want to be with him and the whole me not touching his ---- will make sense to him soon. Hopefully. I cant even do what I have been doing for the last 5.5 years for crying out loud. BTW, good job just now, glance up/look away/ ignore. Damn how I wish I could be emailing this to myself right now so I could blog it easier since that is ideally what I am doing, cept writing it. Hopefully by monday I will be able to work this out I feel so stupid god damn I hate who I am physically mentally. I feel as though I am in this 20ft deep pit surrounded by snakes eating me alive. I dont know why I am so insecure but I am. The worst part is that last week I felt like I belonged but now I feel like in on the tiny island that the supply boats pass teasingly and never even get looked at altho I suppose that is the story of my life. No one has ever liked me, hell I dont even like me!

is a silly silly girl. The big b. Wow i need a life!

A dirty little christian boy once upon a time...

Dirty lil christian boy trying to knock up his wife? Gimme a lil por favor!

So G called teh Big B a "Dirty Little Christian Boy" and said that he is trying to knock up his wife, which apparently isnt working. Is there a sign I can wave over my head, screaming HEY OVER HERE ******** i WANT YOU AND I HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO REPRODUCE!! I mean, would that just be too direct? I need to ponder...